Mom got me some new heel boots yesterday while we were out. I wore them last night and today, and they somehow hurt my hip.... It's like the ball is grinding in the socket and it hurts every time I move my leg :( No fun.
Soooo I have a lot on my mind, but I don't feel like I have a safe place to release all these jumbled thoughts. I'm not stupid to think that an internet blog is a safe place to release a bunch of thoughts, so I have no idea what to do with them. I guess I'm just wasting time, because Matt is out with his friend, at Wheeling Island.... They went there last night, and I went with them. I was so bored though. However, Matt did end up winning a couple hundred dollars... I know, gambling is wrong... but I don't know how to convince him of that. His family gambles and they're all good at it. The aren't stupid.... He doesn't think it's wrong because he plays smart and wins... but I don't like it..... There is just way too many "What if's" .... *sighs*
I really wish he was here though. I really need to talk to him and get some stuff off my chest and see if I'm being overreacting to a lot of stuff or what.... I'm really confused at the moment and I need an outside view.... And Matt is honest and will tell me if I'm wrong or whatever....
I don't like feeling like this. I feel as if I've accidentally done something and I've made people upset with me or something. But I have no idea what I did. I've been super busy with my new job and haven't been able to talk to hardly anyone but Matt or my mom.... And now I'm down at my parents' house until the New Year because I have to go back to work January 2nd. I feel like I'm being pushed away from everyone, and it isn't a good feeling. I know, others have lives too. I'm not stupid to think differently. I just feel shut out, or left behind... I don't know why, but I just do....
Yeah, emo post.... what, gonna do something about it?
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Insecurities
So I just realized I had made this one like, a few years ago but forgot about it and never posted in it... I don't want to come across as copying anyone, so I've debated about using this one that I had created awhile ago, or going back to livejournal. I decided this one because it is sorta linked to my married blog and I can go to just one location if I wanted to blog in both, instead of two different websites.
Lately, my insecurities have been resurfacing. I feel as if my friends that I had before I got married don't care about me anymore. They all said they would come visit me, but none of them have. So I'm like, were they friends to begin with? The only bridesmaid that has been to my apartment is my sister. All of Matt's groomsmen have been here except one, and that is because he was deployed and recently got back to Ohio. I wish I were more like Matt in that I had a lot of friends that were all super close to me. Instead, I have one. Of course Matt is my best friend. I can tell him everything without worried about him judging me. Other than that, my other friend lives in a different country, and I haven't seen her for a couple of years. We don't get to talk as much as before either because we both have new, married lives.
It also sucks that I am in an area that I am not familiar with. I don't know anyone up here, except my Mother-in-law and sister-in-law. And I do not want to hang out with them. I'm not going to go into detail about that on here, but I just want to be comfortable where I live. I'm stuck in the apartment everyday, Monday - Friday. It isn't fun. And cleaning a two bedroom apartment does not take much.
I've not been feeling well lately either. I've had a cold since a few days before Thanksgiving; and that was two weeks ago... I'm just not getting over the stuffy nose and cough, but I'm feeling nauseous now. Blech.
I better go now though, I have dishes to do and such. Matt is going to be home late because he's going to work on someone's computer for an extra 20$.... hey, any little bit helps... And we definitely could use ANYthing..
Lately, my insecurities have been resurfacing. I feel as if my friends that I had before I got married don't care about me anymore. They all said they would come visit me, but none of them have. So I'm like, were they friends to begin with? The only bridesmaid that has been to my apartment is my sister. All of Matt's groomsmen have been here except one, and that is because he was deployed and recently got back to Ohio. I wish I were more like Matt in that I had a lot of friends that were all super close to me. Instead, I have one. Of course Matt is my best friend. I can tell him everything without worried about him judging me. Other than that, my other friend lives in a different country, and I haven't seen her for a couple of years. We don't get to talk as much as before either because we both have new, married lives.
It also sucks that I am in an area that I am not familiar with. I don't know anyone up here, except my Mother-in-law and sister-in-law. And I do not want to hang out with them. I'm not going to go into detail about that on here, but I just want to be comfortable where I live. I'm stuck in the apartment everyday, Monday - Friday. It isn't fun. And cleaning a two bedroom apartment does not take much.
I've not been feeling well lately either. I've had a cold since a few days before Thanksgiving; and that was two weeks ago... I'm just not getting over the stuffy nose and cough, but I'm feeling nauseous now. Blech.
I better go now though, I have dishes to do and such. Matt is going to be home late because he's going to work on someone's computer for an extra 20$.... hey, any little bit helps... And we definitely could use ANYthing..
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